1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
