Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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