I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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