do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
