If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
