I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
