does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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