Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
In America we eat man semen.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
