i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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