i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
