I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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