I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
