Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
