hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
