she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
