obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
