Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
