East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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