I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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