: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
