like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
