His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
