We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
