I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
