I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
