sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
