I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
