Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
