my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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