I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
