I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
