did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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