do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize