I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
