I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
