his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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