i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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