the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
