Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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