Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
