Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
