I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
