Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
