i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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