woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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