What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
