I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
