Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
