I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
