the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
