I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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