Small penises have feelings too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
