Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
