You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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