non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
